he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
