yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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