Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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