Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
No more Irish car bombs ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The struggles of a small town man whore
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize