Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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