No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
