I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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