We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
