You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
