Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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