Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
