smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
