i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
two words: eviction party
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
