ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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