I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Found the puke drawer
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
