I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize