I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
