This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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