Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
