there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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