I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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