Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
