hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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