maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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