Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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