We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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