Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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