so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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