Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
