I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
