YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
