so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize