Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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