i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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