Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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