Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just pynch a tree in the face
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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