Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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