you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
