how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
