I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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