I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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