You're my little dorito
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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