Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
