As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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