I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
