We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
