so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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