let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
