just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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