I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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