They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
