So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
