He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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