I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
