I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
