3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
