I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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