You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
