You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
