Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
