Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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