When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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