So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
