Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
