ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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