Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
