We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
