let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
