Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
