I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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