it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
