You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
