im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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