Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
