This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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