I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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