forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
