my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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