Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
