Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
