theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
