hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
