Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
