Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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