I'm so fucking centered right now
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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