Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
