I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
