You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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