He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
