He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize