Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize