Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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