i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
there is glitter all over my balls
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
