I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
