How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
