Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
