God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
