That's intense
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
MIDGETS
????
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
