the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
