Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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