I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
