I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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