she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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