Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
