dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I am available for nakedness
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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