So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
