Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
